Alright, so it's been way too long. I don't know what I was thinking. Almost 6 months without any blogging.

I've just been all over the place. I tried opening up a different blog - but why would I do that? I have a perfect one right here with history on it. Until I learn how to make my own website, I think I should blog more. Or maybe I'll keep blogging even after the website.

There is a lot of stuff I haven't been doing lately, but I'm trying to change that. For instance, I haven't been able to go to devotionals - or really any Baha'i events - this whole semester. Every day I have work during the day, class at night, and then homework after that. Also, I spent every weekend meeting with my group because of our class. It was an extremely stressful semester, but it's over and I have to pick up the pieces. More Baha'i events. Also, more exercising. My boyfriend just bought me yoga equipment (seems like the wrong word to use here), so I'm going to start doing that. I also need to read more. I've been reading one book this entire semester and I'm still not done! And it's such a good book! I'm currently reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and it's pretty funny.

I'm also beginning to learn a lot about web design and adobe. My good friend, Heather, is going to send me some instructional videos, and I have a lot of books on the stuff too. I'm hoping that one day I could either combine my love of universities and graphic design, or at least be able to do some freelance on the side.

I'm excited about the changes I'm making. Let's see where this goes.

I recently bought a new laptop from Dell. It's a Product Red XPS, very beautiful. :) So with a new laptop and a winter break coming up, expect some more blogs. About what? I don't know. But I'll come up with something.

1. I like that I always know you'll be there. Unconditionally.
2. I like that you're punctual and always prepared. I need you to help me with that.
3. I like that you're fair and open-minded. You give everyone a chance, no matter what shape or size they come in.
4. I like that you'd rather play online Scrabble and watch old TV shows with me, 2700 miles away, than go out to a party with friends.
5. I like that you think about the future. And that you'd let me have 3 cats, a duck, a dog, a baby deer, and a turtle if I wanted. :}
6. I like that you notice all the small things. Like writing "I love you" on my brown paper bag lunch and my movie stub. I like that you get happy over the small things, like a simple foot rub.
7. I like that you have a family that can be just as entertaining as mine.
8. I like that you take care of me. If I'm sad, you make me happy. If I'm scared, you tell me it will be okay.
9. I like that you're just as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside. I like your pretty blue eyes, big hands, and manly facial stubble. :) I like that you're sweet enough to bake me a cake and send it to me, and that you'll smile at me and press my nose and say "boop." :}
10. I like that I can't fit all the things I like about you on a list.

I'm always so off when I try to imagine things. Like when I sit down in class and start to think of what I'll say when it's my turn to present. I have it all planned out in my head. I know everyone here. I won't be nervous. What's the big deal? I just say these points and I'm done. No sweat.

It's always a sweat. The minute before I get called, my heart starts to beat at 180. I forget what to say. I forget how to form complete sentences or what I'm supposed to look at. I'm so out of it the entire time, I don't even remember what I said for my presentation.

I try to imagine what the person is like sitting next to me. She's quiet like me. She must be like me.

I start to imagine all kinds of crazy things. I think her favorite show is The Office and that she hasn't said a cuss word since 8th grade. I think that she's open-minded and likes silly things like robots and mouse guards. I think she must be nice because she's quiet. She doesn't say anything mean. She's like a loyal dog. Just sits there and keeps you company. That's all you really need.

But then she opens her mouth one day when you get there early to class. You hear her say something on her phone that's completely opposite of what you imagined. She might roll her eyes or say something negative about someone. Then you realize that she doesn't talk to anyone because she's just not interested.

There's the childhood dream that never turns out the way you imagine. Like the basketball court you're going to save up your money for in the side yard. Like your mom will even let you put one there. You get a few dollars, then you go to K-Mart and find anything you can afford and forget about the basketball court... until you watch Space Jam again. There's the dream of becoming an Olympic Gymnast. Taking private lessons all week just so you can quit someday because you just don't feel like it anymore. Or the big, pretty house up the street with the pool in the backyard. That's going to be you someday. You're going to be doing cannonballs all day and then fall asleep in your wet bathing suit, watching your favorite cartoon. You just can't wait until your next birthday.

There's ordering a big meal off the menu, only to find out you're sick to your stomach after eating so much. Not what you imagined when you saw the picture. There's lying in bed to fall asleep early, only to look at your clock and see it an hour past the time you normally fall asleep. There's falling in love and hoping it will last forever, then finding out it doesn't. There's begging someone to love you, then finding out someone already does.

Sometimes I feel like life is never how you imagine it. I kind of give up on thinking too seriously about my future, because I really won't know until I get there. I might dream of a red front door and end up with a green one, but that's okay. As long as there's a door there.

So, even though I said I give up on imagining, I still want to right now for entertainment's sake. And this is what I do when I try to avoid homework, cleaning, and/or washing my face. Okay, so, what will Leslie Paige Martinez be like one year from now, on October 2, 2009? This is my prediction, and in one year from now I will write how I really am.

October 2, 2009: Unknown

Basics:
Brown hair, shoulder length
No glasses
Short, plain fingernails
Size 2 clothing
Size 6 1/2 shoe size
No scars
Same necklace my mom got me for xmas
dark eyebrows

Identities:
In a relationship
straight
Baha'i
liberal
USF Graduate School - 2nd fall semester
ACSA Cohort Liaison
Part of the CLCE in some way

Abstract:
I'm not really sure what I'll be like. I know a few things. I know I'll be female, Baha'i, and short. I'll volunteer more. I'll be in my final year of Graduate school and I will have already seen three states or more: Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, and an unknown. I will be changed by one of those experiences. Something bad will happen to me along the way; something good will happen to me along the way. I'm being very vague here, but that's all I can imagine right now. I'll be with Peter and we'll still play online Scrabble. I'll be good friends with Colleen, Amanda, and Melissa. I'll still hang out with Monkey and Rafia. I'll be living on my own, with Catsby and Pancakes, and struggling financially. I'll have opened up a retirement savings account though. I'll still be picking at my lips and my skin. I'll have gone through a new phase, probably something to do with wanting new technology. I'll have read more Chuck Palahnuik, and I will have realized the world is stranger than I thought. I'll have seen snow and built a snowman. I'll regret something, change something, and make something. I'll... imagine more later. I'm tired right now.

So X-files has nothing to do with why I'm going to Memphis. It's just that all my life, or at least since 1997, I've only thought of X-Files and Elvis when I heard Memphis. And even though I've seen every X-files episode, that's the only episode I can remember. I feel so creeped out every time I hear that song now.

So I guess I never imagined Memphis to be my "first." I think maybe I thought Chicago would be. Either way, I'm getting excited about leaving and learning about another place. I know it won't be dark and full of post-modern Prometheuses. Or at least I hope it won't.

Every year USF puts on something called "Alternative Spring Break." Instead of going to Panama City to get burnt and sign up for the Army and National Guard for free t-shirts, students can go to a place where they can make a difference. The trips consist of an Advisor, 2 site-leaders, and participants/students that work together to make a difference. This year they have people going to places like New Orleans to help rebuild after Katrina, New York to give support services to people with AIDS/HIV, and MEMPHIS! where I'll be going to help families who are currently homeless and I'll tutor children who need it. The scariest thing is, I'll be the Advisor. Top dogg. Boss-man. Director. Task mistress.

I don't know all of the details, but someone told me that since I'm going to be an advisor, then I'll be in charge of driving the van (yes, that's right... we are taking a van!) to Memphis. Freaky! I don't think they realize that I have (a) not driven outside of FL before, (b) really only driven a VW Beetle (c), no sense of direction; I am very spatially challenged, and (d) (I could keep going... but I'll stop here) I have trouble thinking of my left and right. I just don't think it's a very good idea to put me in charge on the van. ;) I'll make the best of it. At least I can decide when and where we are going to make pit-stops. If I see something cool, like a plastic stegosaurus on the side of the road, then we're definitely stopping. Perfect photo-op.

Anyway, I'm excited. I get to do all of this for only $50; everything is included. And then, as part of my Masters program, I have to travel to another state during the summer to work at a different university. I get to choose that location too! I'm thinking Chicago, Boston, New York City, or maybe somewhere in Pennsylvania or Vermont. I don't know.  

I feel so exhausted. I woke up early; I went to a meeting; I went to work; I went to class; I went to another meeting, and then I ate sushi. The sushi was supposed to be good, but it had too much cream cheese and raw salmon. I don't know how I feel about raw salmon. Or raw fish in general. That's not really my thing.

But on the drive home I finally got to do some thinking. Not much, but some. Part of that thinking was that I never have time to think anymore. School, work, homework, and social life (or something like that) have completely consumed my life. I rented a movie a month ago, but I still haven't watched it. I haven't checked my mail in well over a week. I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping. I have voicemail on my phone that I haven't even checked. The garbage needs to be taken out... three days ago. I just feel like I want a day to rest. Maybe it will clear my mind. Maybe I could get some housework done. Oh, and exercise. When's the last time I did that?

Alright, sh, it's just been one of those days. I'm a big girl. I can handle grad school. Sure it feels bad for me right now, but that only means it will be good for me in the long run. Like vegetables. Yeah, they taste gross, but I guess they're pretty important. Anyway, I'm okay. I really like my assistantship. It pays me and it covers all my tuition. I have a great supervisor who is really nice to me and I really like the students I work with. So things are good. :)

I'm just going to go take a bath and then, wait, then I think I have homework to do. I just want to sleep. Good night.

My brother just came home with a $400 laptop. I didn't even know that was possible. I'm sure the video card isn't that great, but it has 2 GB, which I think is pretty good. With deals like that, and having connections to the USF Computer Store, I'm pretty confident I can upgrade my computer just to play Spore. ;) I saw a sign on the USF Computer Store window the other day that was advertising Windows Vista for $88 for students, and about $20 for faculty/staff. Even though I'm only a Graduate Assistant, I might be able to get a faculty member to find a cheap graphics card for me there.

Okay, I'm just thinking right now. Planning it out. The computer I have is pretty good, I don't want to buy a new one. I just need a new video card, maybe some more RAM, and a good Windows Office 2007 package, and maybe Vista too because it looks cool. Heh, I just want Spore really bad. I might pick up a second job to find funding for my HAL 9000. Maybe that second job will be to ask my parents for some dollars here and there.

Wow, I find the most boringest material for posts. Boringest. I'll try better next time.