I recently bought a new laptop from Dell. It's a Product Red XPS, very beautiful. :) So with a new laptop and a winter break coming up, expect some more blogs. About what? I don't know. But I'll come up with something.
1. I like that I always know you'll be there. Unconditionally.
2. I like that you're punctual and always prepared. I need you to help me with that.
3. I like that you're fair and open-minded. You give everyone a chance, no matter what shape or size they come in.
4. I like that you'd rather play online Scrabble and watch old TV shows with me, 2700 miles away, than go out to a party with friends.
5. I like that you think about the future. And that you'd let me have 3 cats, a duck, a dog, a baby deer, and a turtle if I wanted. :}
6. I like that you notice all the small things. Like writing "I love you" on my brown paper bag lunch and my movie stub. I like that you get happy over the small things, like a simple foot rub.
7. I like that you have a family that can be just as entertaining as mine.
8. I like that you take care of me. If I'm sad, you make me happy. If I'm scared, you tell me it will be okay.
9. I like that you're just as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside. I like your pretty blue eyes, big hands, and manly facial stubble. :) I like that you're sweet enough to bake me a cake and send it to me, and that you'll smile at me and press my nose and say "boop." :}
10. I like that I can't fit all the things I like about you on a list.
I'm always so off when I try to imagine things. Like when I sit down in class and start to think of what I'll say when it's my turn to present. I have it all planned out in my head. I know everyone here. I won't be nervous. What's the big deal? I just say these points and I'm done. No sweat.
It's always a sweat. The minute before I get called, my heart starts to beat at 180. I forget what to say. I forget how to form complete sentences or what I'm supposed to look at. I'm so out of it the entire time, I don't even remember what I said for my presentation.
I try to imagine what the person is like sitting next to me. She's quiet like me. She must be like me.
I start to imagine all kinds of crazy things. I think her favorite show is The Office and that she hasn't said a cuss word since 8th grade. I think that she's open-minded and likes silly things like robots and mouse guards. I think she must be nice because she's quiet. She doesn't say anything mean. She's like a loyal dog. Just sits there and keeps you company. That's all you really need.
But then she opens her mouth one day when you get there early to class. You hear her say something on her phone that's completely opposite of what you imagined. She might roll her eyes or say something negative about someone. Then you realize that she doesn't talk to anyone because she's just not interested.
There's the childhood dream that never turns out the way you imagine. Like the basketball court you're going to save up your money for in the side yard. Like your mom will even let you put one there. You get a few dollars, then you go to K-Mart and find anything you can afford and forget about the basketball court... until you watch Space Jam again. There's the dream of becoming an Olympic Gymnast. Taking private lessons all week just so you can quit someday because you just don't feel like it anymore. Or the big, pretty house up the street with the pool in the backyard. That's going to be you someday. You're going to be doing cannonballs all day and then fall asleep in your wet bathing suit, watching your favorite cartoon. You just can't wait until your next birthday.
There's ordering a big meal off the menu, only to find out you're sick to your stomach after eating so much. Not what you imagined when you saw the picture. There's lying in bed to fall asleep early, only to look at your clock and see it an hour past the time you normally fall asleep. There's falling in love and hoping it will last forever, then finding out it doesn't. There's begging someone to love you, then finding out someone already does.
Sometimes I feel like life is never how you imagine it. I kind of give up on thinking too seriously about my future, because I really won't know until I get there. I might dream of a red front door and end up with a green one, but that's okay. As long as there's a door there.
So, even though I said I give up on imagining, I still want to right now for entertainment's sake. And this is what I do when I try to avoid homework, cleaning, and/or washing my face. Okay, so, what will Leslie Paige Martinez be like one year from now, on October 2, 2009? This is my prediction, and in one year from now I will write how I really am.
October 2, 2009: Unknown
Basics:
Brown hair, shoulder length
No glasses
Short, plain fingernails
Size 2 clothing
Size 6 1/2 shoe size
No scars
Same necklace my mom got me for xmas
dark eyebrows
Identities:
In a relationship
straight
Baha'i
liberal
USF Graduate School - 2nd fall semester
ACSA Cohort Liaison
Part of the CLCE in some way
Abstract:
I'm not really sure what I'll be like. I know a few things. I know I'll be female, Baha'i, and short. I'll volunteer more. I'll be in my final year of Graduate school and I will have already seen three states or more: Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, and an unknown. I will be changed by one of those experiences. Something bad will happen to me along the way; something good will happen to me along the way. I'm being very vague here, but that's all I can imagine right now. I'll be with Peter and we'll still play online Scrabble. I'll be good friends with Colleen, Amanda, and Melissa. I'll still hang out with Monkey and Rafia. I'll be living on my own, with Catsby and Pancakes, and struggling financially. I'll have opened up a retirement savings account though. I'll still be picking at my lips and my skin. I'll have gone through a new phase, probably something to do with wanting new technology. I'll have read more Chuck Palahnuik, and I will have realized the world is stranger than I thought. I'll have seen snow and built a snowman. I'll regret something, change something, and make something. I'll... imagine more later. I'm tired right now.
So X-files has nothing to do with why I'm going to Memphis. It's just that all my life, or at least since 1997, I've only thought of X-Files and Elvis when I heard Memphis. And even though I've seen every X-files episode, that's the only episode I can remember. I feel so creeped out every time I hear that song now.
So I guess I never imagined Memphis to be my "first." I think maybe I thought Chicago would be. Either way, I'm getting excited about leaving and learning about another place. I know it won't be dark and full of post-modern Prometheuses. Or at least I hope it won't.
Every year USF puts on something called "Alternative Spring Break." Instead of going to Panama City to get burnt and sign up for the Army and National Guard for free t-shirts, students can go to a place where they can make a difference. The trips consist of an Advisor, 2 site-leaders, and participants/students that work together to make a difference. This year they have people going to places like New Orleans to help rebuild after Katrina, New York to give support services to people with AIDS/HIV, and MEMPHIS! where I'll be going to help families who are currently homeless and I'll tutor children who need it. The scariest thing is, I'll be the Advisor. Top dogg. Boss-man. Director. Task mistress.
I don't know all of the details, but someone told me that since I'm going to be an advisor, then I'll be in charge of driving the van (yes, that's right... we are taking a van!) to Memphis. Freaky! I don't think they realize that I have (a) not driven outside of FL before, (b) really only driven a VW Beetle (c), no sense of direction; I am very spatially challenged, and (d) (I could keep going... but I'll stop here) I have trouble thinking of my left and right. I just don't think it's a very good idea to put me in charge on the van. ;) I'll make the best of it. At least I can decide when and where we are going to make pit-stops. If I see something cool, like a plastic stegosaurus on the side of the road, then we're definitely stopping. Perfect photo-op.
Anyway, I'm excited. I get to do all of this for only $50; everything is included. And then, as part of my Masters program, I have to travel to another state during the summer to work at a different university. I get to choose that location too! I'm thinking Chicago, Boston, New York City, or maybe somewhere in Pennsylvania or Vermont. I don't know.
I feel so exhausted. I woke up early; I went to a meeting; I went to work; I went to class; I went to another meeting, and then I ate sushi. The sushi was supposed to be good, but it had too much cream cheese and raw salmon. I don't know how I feel about raw salmon. Or raw fish in general. That's not really my thing.
But on the drive home I finally got to do some thinking. Not much, but some. Part of that thinking was that I never have time to think anymore. School, work, homework, and social life (or something like that) have completely consumed my life. I rented a movie a month ago, but I still haven't watched it. I haven't checked my mail in well over a week. I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping. I have voicemail on my phone that I haven't even checked. The garbage needs to be taken out... three days ago. I just feel like I want a day to rest. Maybe it will clear my mind. Maybe I could get some housework done. Oh, and exercise. When's the last time I did that?
Alright, sh, it's just been one of those days. I'm a big girl. I can handle grad school. Sure it feels bad for me right now, but that only means it will be good for me in the long run. Like vegetables. Yeah, they taste gross, but I guess they're pretty important. Anyway, I'm okay. I really like my assistantship. It pays me and it covers all my tuition. I have a great supervisor who is really nice to me and I really like the students I work with. So things are good. :)
I'm just going to go take a bath and then, wait, then I think I have homework to do. I just want to sleep. Good night.
My brother just came home with a $400 laptop. I didn't even know that was possible. I'm sure the video card isn't that great, but it has 2 GB, which I think is pretty good. With deals like that, and having connections to the USF Computer Store, I'm pretty confident I can upgrade my computer just to play Spore. ;) I saw a sign on the USF Computer Store window the other day that was advertising Windows Vista for $88 for students, and about $20 for faculty/staff. Even though I'm only a Graduate Assistant, I might be able to get a faculty member to find a cheap graphics card for me there.
Okay, I'm just thinking right now. Planning it out. The computer I have is pretty good, I don't want to buy a new one. I just need a new video card, maybe some more RAM, and a good Windows Office 2007 package, and maybe Vista too because it looks cool. Heh, I just want Spore really bad. I might pick up a second job to find funding for my HAL 9000. Maybe that second job will be to ask my parents for some dollars here and there.
Wow, I find the most boringest material for posts. Boringest. I'll try better next time.
101 things I want to accomplish, before my battery dies.
1. Be happy. In the most bona fide way ever. heh, bona fide.
2. Teach someone about the Baha'i faith.
3. Save 10 9 animals.
4. Build a robot.
5. Cross the state line.
6. Learn another language.
7. Spend the night in a log cabin.
8. Visit Iceland.
9. Write a story.
10. Burp.
11. Feed a giraffe.
12. Learn to paint.
13. Get my Masters.
14. Love my job.
15. Finish a crossword in the Sunday paper.
16. Live in a house with a red front door.
17. Build a telescope.
18. Read all the books I own.
19. Be on time.
20. Grow my own vegetables, and eat them.
21. Stop peeling my lips.
22. Volunteer my time for a greater good.
23. Put the cap back on my toothpaste.
24. Surprise myself.
25. Sell a painting.
26. Swim with a dolphin.
27. Travel from one place to another, underground. Like Bugs Bunny.
28. Create a comic strip with a raccoon.
29. Invent something.
30. Travel to another continent via a boat.
31. Write my name in wet cement.
32. Meet an Elvis in Memphis.
33. Ride in the Cash Cab.
I haven't been on my blog lately, but I just saw that I got a few new comments. That's pretty exciting because I thought no one really read this. Thank you Heather and Katy for the comments. :} I will post something soon. Oh, and Heather: I got your letter and business cards in the mail yesterday. Those are the most creative business cards I've ever seen! I'll go comment on your blog about them, just in case you don't see this post.
I started taking flax oil again. I've read so many good things about it, so I want to see if it really works. Here's a few things flax oil is supposed to do:
Every system in the body can benefit from flax seed oil's natural properties, including the cardiovascular system, immune system, circulatory system, reproductive system, nervous system, as well as joints.
- Research shows low incidence of breast cancer and colon cancer in populations that have high amounts of lignan in their diet. Flax is 100 times richer in lignan than most whole grains.
- help lower cholesterol and blood triglycerides, and prevent clots in arteries, which may result in strokes, heart attacks and thromboses.
- Helps protect the body against high blood pressure, inflammation, water retention, sticky platelets and lowered immune function.
- Shortens recovery time for fatigued muscles after exertion.
- Increases the body's production of energy and also increases stamina.
- Accelerates the healing of sprains and bruises.
- Eases weight loss in people afflicted with obesity.
- Stimulates brown fat cells and increases the metabolic rate making it easier to burn off fat.
- Improves the absorption of calcuim.
- Strengthens finger and toenails.
- Can improve eyesight and perception of colors.
- Can often improve the function of the liver.
- Can relieve the side effects and stop development of many forms of cancer.
- Can relieve some cases of asthma.
- Helpful in the treatment of Eczema, Psoriasis, and Dandruff.
- Can relieve the symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis. It can relieve the symptoms of diabetes mellitus.
- Can alleviate some allergies.
- Helps prevent Atherosclerosis (the accumulation of fatty deposits inside the blood vessels, especially the large and medium-sized arteries, that many people experience during the aging process).
- Lowers high blood pressure in Hypertension sufferers.
- Has been scientifically proven to treat some cases of depression.
- Can improve the mental function of many old age pensioners.
- Can help in the treatment of Multiple Sclerosis.
- Has been proven to improve the behavior of Schizophrenics.
- Can relieve some cases of premenstrual symptoms (PMS) in females.
- And more...
My mom, aka catlady, has brought two more kittens to the family. We already have five cats. My mom thinks there's always room for more cats, but maybe she would stop at ten. I can't imagine what my dad would do if he heard that. Maybe what he does every time my mom brings a cat home, or asks for money, or tells him to change the channel to HGTV; he'd inhale, close his eyes, exhale, nod his head and say "Barbara". Then my mom would have some 'splainin to do, like Lucy. ;) (heh, weird) Anyway, my mom brought home one kitten and then decided to bring another one home, but couldn't unless she lied to my dad and said that I wanted to take it to Tampa. So that's what she did and the lie became the truth. I mean, firstly, I was kinda obligated. If I didn't take the kitten to Tampa, my dad would have been mad and my brother would have given me a bunch of crap. And, well, once I saw the kittens I couldn't say no. I didn't just get my mom's height, I got her love for animals too. She called me today and said that if I ever wanted to, I could bring the kitten back home. She said that she never really planned on me taking him, that it was all supposed to be a lie. heh, Well, she'll find another cat on her own soon... so we're not really worried about it.
I named him Catsby and he looks like this:
I prefer him to look like this though. ;)
He loves attention. So much that I can't go anywhere without him trying to climb up my legs. I have scratches all over my legs and hands. He also has trouble drinking his catmilk. He still tries to suck it up so I think I should get him a bottle. When he lies down next to me he sucks on my ear and tries to get milk from it until I make him stop. Even though it's tiring having a creature constantly want you to hold him and feed him, it feels kinda nice. I like that he thinks I'm his momma. I'll take care of little Catsby, even if that means being woken up two or three times a night.
VIDEO: Robot News
I found this video today from Attack of the Show. It talks about the future of robots and for some reason it gets me kinda creeped out. South Korea wants to have a robot in every household by the year 2020. I don't know what kind of robot they're talking about, maybe a robot vacuum cleaner, or an innocent robot dinosaur (hopefully they don't turn on their masters). Maybe it would be a good thing to have a robot in every household, as long as we didn't start replacing them for companions. I have my thunder robot that keeps me entertained by pretending to be violent and harmful with his "thunder shooting" hands, flashing eyes, and spinning helicopter hat... but Pancakes and I both know he can't hurt anything. So if South Korea decides to put a thunder robot in every household, I guess we're okay.
Sometimes I wonder what the far future will be like. Will people start to have boyfriend and girlfriend robots? Will we be able to design the perfect robot to have as a companion? We could make them exactly how we want them... looks, beliefs, emotions, interests, the works. Maybe someday presidential candidates will be facing issues that deal with robotic marriages. I don't know, as appealing as it sounds to create the perfect robot companion, think of how terrible that could become. People all over the globe start having relationships with robots that go no where. Maybe we'd see a drop in unwanted pregnancies, but what about people being in relationships to ultimately make a family. Would some people stop caring about that? We'd have robots to fulfill our lusts, so maybe we would forget about love.
I love robots. I think Johnny 5 and Wall-e are the cutest little creatures, but the future can get kinda scary. Maybe we'll be okay, as long as we don't have Kraftwerk's robots:
Kraftwerk - The Robots
that could be bad.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I read 40 pages last night at work and got to hang out with some of the coolest people. And I got paid. It's the best. As I started to put together a table for ten people, I started thinking about how sad I'm going to be to leave. Someday I'll think back to my Tia's Tex-Mex days and miss the heck out of them. I'm already starting to miss the place and I have to be there in a couple of hours. I won't miss having the easiest job in the world. That's not it. I'll miss the people.
I'll miss the employees and all the secrets they say up at the hostess stand. Like the girl that tells me what servers she thinks are cute... or, I guess she would say hot... and how she wishes she could be like me and stop being attracted to "bad boys". I don't understand why somebody wouldn't want a nice boy. I'll miss what all the servers have to say about their tables. All the things they hate; all the things they love. I'll miss the lame songs they sing, especially the Tia's birthday song. "Happy happy birthday from the Tia's crew. Happy happy birthday... that's our wish to you. Hey!" heh, so original. I'll miss all my nicknames, like Sipriono calling me mi amor, John calling me girly girl, LP calling me LP money, Tina calling me liddle bot, Hurt calling me Beyonce, and Ryan saying I'm cuter than a mother f***er (who says that?). I'm not sure I really like any of that, except LP money and liddle bot, but I'll still miss it. I'll miss being called weird at least 5 times a night.
I'll miss the customers. I'll miss the regulars like Bret and Carlos that like to sit on the bar side for lunch. I'll miss the old guy that always sits by himself and requests Tina for his server. I'll miss standing behind my podium and watching how different families from different backgrounds interact. Heck, I'll even miss the thug that comes in and pretends he's deaf and holds a sign that says he needs $5 to help with the Salvation Army. I busted him so good one night. He's not deaf. And that $5 isn't for the Salvation Army.
I think I learned more about people at the door. Part of my job is to hold the door for people when they leave and tell them "bye guys have a good day" or "bye guys have a good night." So many people react so differently. There's people that make me feel really good inside when they smile back at me and tell me thank you, you have a good night too. Then there's people that make me step back a little further and shut my mouth when they say things like "baby you could hold the door for me all night long." No, I'm sorry, I can't and I won't. That's the boringest thing I've ever heard. Really, who's going to want to hold a door all night? ;) Anyway, then there's the people who don't acknowledge me. They ignore anything I say and just keep walking. It doesn't really bother me; the only thing that really bothers me is when I open the door and then they open the other one to completely belittle what I just did for them.
The thing I noticed most when I hold the door is the similarities in the people that are together. Couples that leave usually act the same. If I tell them to have a good night, either both will smile and say thank you or they'll both shy away. I've only noticed this with couples, not friends and family. It makes me wonder if opposites ever do attract. Maybe if you're the type of person that wants to smile back, you should find someone that wants to smile back too.
I think that's kind of important.
A true Baha'i. If I could be anything in this world, that's what it would be.
"Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face. Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men. Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression. Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts. Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility."
(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 285)
Alright, so I don't have an obsession with Adam Sandler. I thought for maybe a day or two that I did, but I think that's over with. Just because I had a dream the other week that I was making out with him doesn't mean we're meant to be. And gosh, that's just kinda weird. Me making out with Adam Sandler. Where the heck did that come from?
I think it's just because I've happened to watch three serious roles of his lately. I really did love Punch Drunk Love. Really. Who wouldn't fall for a socially awkward boy in a blue suit that collects Healthy Choice pudding? Aw. It's the cutest thing ever. It was a nice romantic movie, but not your typical romantic comedy. What other romance has two people in love saying "I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna effin smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty." "I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them."
haha, so weird.
So I'm just a little, just a tad bit, crushing over his character in Punch Drunk Love. Every time I go to Gamestop and I see their deal "Buy two movies, get three free" I always look for Punch Drunk Love. I haven't taken advantage of the deal because I refuse to get anything unless Punch Drunk Love is in it. Maybe I should stop being cheap and just buy it. I really want it, but I think it will feel pretty good when I can get a deal on it.
I searched all over for my own little spot on the Internet. I thought about buying a URL, but then I realized that it's probably not worth spending money on a URL and hosting for a site that no one will really read. I think I might get a total of three readers. Heather, because she's so good at keeping up with cyberspace. Peter, because I think he stalks me. And Pancakes, because I'm forcing him to read this. It's his fault. He won't stop climbing on my lap and then I can't see the keyboard and if he jumps down it doesn't make anything better because he just wants to chew on the wires under my desk. I love Pancakes. :}
I'll try to keep up with my blog. It's just that after today I got so frustrated with people who opened up blogs and only posted one thing. I really wanted to come up with a clever name and use it as my blog title, but they were already taken. Like Burnt Pancakes. I really wanted that, but some person over in England used it and posted one thing. Then I thought maybe I'd use Cloud 8 since I'll never quite make it to Cloud 9, and that's good because that means I'm always growing (not physically ;)). But no, that one was taken too. I tried using Coldpizzaforbreakfast, but taken again. I even went through my Duran Duran songs because I thought it would be a good idea to use one of their songs to show my support. I don't really think they need support, but I think more people should listen to them. I was going to use Ordinary World, but that was taken... by some emo kid too I think. Again, one post. And of course it was about being sad and alone. I guess that's what blogs are for. People to write about how sad they are because it's okay to tell a computer that. Only the computer will read it.
I can't say that though since I have three readers. ;)
Anyway, Duran Duran is a great band. I just feel a little obligated to say that since my room-mate's boyfriend once told me that they only made one song. They made some of the best songs in the 80s. In case you didn't know.
So anyway, that's why I'll try to keep my blog going. I don't want to take up space for another bitesize lp, only to write one post about how sad my day was.
I didn't really have a sad day, by the way. I worked at Tia's Tex-Mex. Easy money. Then I came home, searched through the Internet to find Word Press and Blogger (I picked Blogger), watched Reign Over Me, which was really good... and, well, now here I am. ;)
I'll tell you more about my new obsession with Adam Sandler in my next post. You think I'm kidding.
I'm not.
